I know how it is.
You’re dizzy from the fumes of the newly painted nursery, you (or your wife) is about to bust out of those super-super-sized pregnancy jeans, there are exactly zero Shower-thank-you-notes written, and the only foods that sounds good to you all start with “Cool Ranch” and end with “Doritos”.
The due date is right around the corner. You’re under the gun. The Jeopardy theme-song runs non-stop in your head. You know you’re running out of time. But you just can’t crack it…
What the F*** are we gonna NAME our BABY?
It’s okay. We’ve all been there. There’s really nothing to worry about.
You’ve just lost your mind, is all.
But it’s alright, I’ve got this; I'm here to help. Not with any practical advice about what to name your baby, no! No, that would be way too cool of me.
No, I’m here with the honest-to-god TRUTH.
Friend: it doesn’t matter what you name your baby.
So just have fun with it! Free-associate. Go on a road-trip, and just start talking to each other. Wasn’t that how this all started, in the first place?
Fine, if one of you is too big now to get into the car… I’ll get you started. Here’s a list of sure-fire names for you, names that will absolutely catch on like wildfire once this blog post goes viral… (but not before you were there to ‘do it first’):
That wasn’t Kim Basinger, it was Kelly McGillis.
The one from Witness?
Billy Ray Cyprus
Doogie Howser, MD
Tour de France
…yeah, now I’m stuck, too…
(what if it’s twins?)
Yawkey & Van Ness
Addison & Clarke
East 161st Street & River Ave
Ross & Rachel
Ross, Joey & Chandler
(let’s go back to single babies)
(All the single babies,
All the single babies,
Unique New York
Austin, Madison, Brooklyn, Phoenix, Macon, Cody, Cheyenne, Savannah, Bristol, and Charlotte are all taken, so…
No, NO, STOP. STOP. I’ve got it:
I loved him in “Raiders…”.
See? There’s really nothing to it. Just free associate, and the first time you agree ... stop. You're done.
Happy Baby Name Shopping!
PS: All of these exciting possibilities scream “future President of the United States” to me. I say, go for it...